panic attack explosion

Im burning up
Gonna throw up
Shaking so fast I smash my fists into the pavement
Causing bruises that dont heal
I want to scream so loud I can never speak
I would be better silent anyway
Alone at least I hurt no one
My organs tie themselves in knots
Im shaking like its the only thing keeping my soul in this body
I want to break things
Break myself
I want to be fixed
Made into the good person I act like I am
I want to breathe
I want to breathe
I want to breathe!
I want to breathe like I have a right to
Take in all the oxygen
I want to take control of my own self
I want to be able to feel openly
Completely
I want to live
I want to live
With no chains or tether
Be free
Able to scream if I need to
Laugh if I want to
I want to feel true happiness again
I want to be alive
I feel like a bottle filled to the breaking point
Im about to explode
All my glass
Everywhere
And no one will be able to clean this mess
Cause ive spend to much time cleaning up others
The people I love so broken with their sharp glass but bottles intact
Always there to unload their leaks
The breaking point is to close
And im shaking
I dont want to lose all ive worked for
I dont want to lose but I can't win
Cause im breaking and burning and shaking
And im the firework about to go off in the child's face